Hoosier Dad

October 17, 2008

Taps

Filed under: Junior,Rant,Wife — molokopluss @ 7:56 pm
Tags: , , ,

Last night the Wife had to go back to work at 7pm for something, leaving me home for 45 minutes with Junior.   As soon as she walked out the door he started to wail so hard he couldn’t catch his breath. 

I make myself a cocktail so I cope with this problem.

At times like these I feel like a ginormous failure.    He doesn’t want any of the toys I give him.  He just throws the lighter and bottle caps on the floor.   I can only say, “dude, shut the fuck up” so many times.    The more he cries the faster I drink.    

Sweet buzz, please kick in.   

The Wife refused my request to pick up more booze on the way home, so I’m stuck drinking homemade strawberry wine.  My brother made it, and it isn’t bad, but because it isn’t very well filtered it does give me a headache.

 I was catchin’ a buzz by the time I was 3/4 of the way through the bottle.  Considering the high quality vino,  I drank it out of a glass tumbler rather than a mason jar glass.    I know, I’m so high class.

Anyways, we were sitting there in the rocking chair, him facing away from me for fear of him busting one of my ear drums, when I bust into the Kermit the Frog version of “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails.   He was completely entranced with my Kermit the Frog voice and immediately ceased to cry.   I turned him around to face me.   I sang the whole song including a reprise of the bridge.   “What have I become….   my sweetest friend….”    

OF COURSE as soon as I stop he burst into tears.    I started “Hurt” again and he stopped.    This time, he kind of nuzzled in to me and layed his head back.   By the time I finished the second time he was out.   I mean hardcore, baby-snoring that you worry if he’s ever going to wake up kind of sleep.

About five minutes later the Wife came home.  She was amazed at my ability to get him down and out.   She was not impressed my my ability to kill a bottle of wine at the same time.  

Needless to say he slept from 8pm until 6:06am.   Ten hours and 6 minutes of sweet dead silence.   

ZZZZZZzzzzzzz.  

This morning I downloaded the video of “Hurt” so next time I can let the laptop sing him to sleep.

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